i said yes, then i said no (and i'm not sorry)

I got home from two weeks in Europe, and less than 48 hours later, I was on the phone turning someone down.

A friend of mine is putting something together. Months ago, when she first told me about it, I said yes.

I wanted to go. I meant it at the time. I really did.

Then I actually looked at my life. My mom is in hospice, and I've been flying back and forth to see her all year.

I had multiple trips in August. A big one in September. I just got back from two weeks in Europe.

And I'm only home for 28 days before I leave town again, for who knows how long, with a speaking engagement in every single one of those weeks.

So when she brought it up again, I told her I couldn't do it.

I Could Hear Her Disappointment 😞

She started telling me all the reasons it would help me. She was reframing my objections (which is what any good salesperson would do), and trying to get me to change my mind.

I understand why. She's excited about what she's building, and she wanted me there.

But every reason she gave landed the same way: maybe true for her, and also not enough to change my mind. This wasn't a quick ask, either. It was going to take up several days.

When I actually pictured giving up three days to it, my whole body tightened before my brain even caught up. That was the answer, really, before I ever said a word.

None of what she said changed what I actually have the capacity for right now.

I don't have the capacity to give it right now. Not because what she's doing isn't amazing. Because I don't have any space.

I Said Yes Once. That Doesn't Mean I Owe It Forever.

I technically went back on my word. I said yes, and now I was saying no.😬

I still said no...

And I'm learning that it takes real work to keep putting yourself first, especially when it means disappointing someone else.

But in the long run, putting yourself first is matters.

Right now, the people I have room for are my paying clients, my family, and Stella, my dog. That's it. That's all the space I've got.

This Isn't Flakiness. It's Self-Trust.

One of my best qualities is that I'm reliable, which you may think sounds strange since I just told you I went back on my word. But this isn't me being unreliable. It's me trusting myself enough to know what I actually have room for.

So many women say yes out of people-pleasing.

And people-pleasing is a lie.

When you people-please, you're lying to the person in front of you, and that's not a service to anyone. Not to you, and not to them.

I'd rather disappoint someone once, clearly and honestly, than say yes out of guilt and show up depleted, resentful, half-there.

Plus, if I deplete myself people-pleasing for her, I won't have the capacity left for my mom. And nothing is more important than that right now.

The Same Muscle Runs Your Business

This is the exact same skill you need with clients, with launches, with every opportunity that lands in your inbox looking shiny and “you'd be so good at this.”

Not every yes-worthy thing is a yes-right-now thing.

You're allowed to want something and still say no to it, because you know what your season actually has room for. The women I coach who scale the most sustainably aren't the ones saying yes to everything. They're the ones who've built enough self-trust to say, this is a season for less, and mean it, without spiraling into guilt about it.

I'm home for 28 days. I'm using them to rest, not to prove I can do it all.

P.S. If you're in a season where you know you need to protect your capacity, but you don't quite trust yourself enough to actually do it, that's a conversation worth having. Just hit reply and tell me what's going on. As a Capricorn, I don't do small talk, I love these deep conversations.

P.P.S. My friend's event was amazing! Even without me there. 💚